when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
