I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize