Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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