In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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