i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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