I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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