i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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