I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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