okay pat passed out under dana's car
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
