I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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