shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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