This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
