He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
