I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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