May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
