yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
