i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
