what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
