So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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