Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
