just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
