Too much gin, very little bucket
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
