Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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