Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize