suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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