Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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