dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
