just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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