i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
