It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
