if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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