They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
