only if we run a train.
done.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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