Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
