I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
