His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize