if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
