This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
