Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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