Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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