Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
