While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
