that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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