I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
