My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Plan B is the new Plan A
Yo dont text me then not text me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
