he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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