A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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