my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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