I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
