Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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