with your own penis?
Plan B is the new Plan A
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
