You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
