Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
