eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i've created a new STD.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
