I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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