When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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