If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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