Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Randomize
