yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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