he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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