No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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