all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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