video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
