Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
