i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
