yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
