have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
