I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
