you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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