no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
