I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
