Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You dont lie about slip and slides
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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