I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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