You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
