question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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