Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
