I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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