i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
