Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
someone owes me an orgasm
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
